I'd like to think that Dan is waiting for me to get my life together. I love him.

I would love whole heartedly, open and giving. I would have kids in a beautiful house on an island. I would run around my house naked. I would sing and write for hours. I would travel my little heart out until my feel could carry me no longer. I would explore the inner and outer realms as acutely as I could.

Physically, a ladybug on a tall blad of grass while I was running. Emotionally, I saw myself grow and the beauty that resognates in me when I am at my best.

I have just realized that I need more support than what I have gotten and am currently getting. I need people to push me, the ones I love, i mean. I can only push myself so far without seeing any external rewards. The inner confidence I gain does not fully satisfy me unless I can know that I am making an impact positively for someone else.
I need peace and harmony, and positive energy. I cannot stand negativity one single bit!

A job, or any kind of opportunity offering growth, really!

I trust mostly my instincts/ my intuition. There is not a worldly thing that I can rely one hundred percent upon. I'd like to think that one day there will be a twinmate that will help me to involve into my fullest potential but I would not say I would be completely dependent upon that. Though we are all dependent upon eachother, there are things you can learn to do to become more well-rounded and complete for yourself and to help others. I trust that there is a divine path for each of us and we just have to trust in a higher power and ourselves to figure out what that is and become one with it.

I am wide awake and it is one thirty in the morning. I am missing my boyfriend as well and debating whether or not i should send him a text to see if he is awake. Though my better judgement says to leave him alone since he has to work early tomorrow. My mind is not really as at ease as I would like for this hour because I am leaving for a camping trip tomorrow morning and I have yet to do half of what I need to before I leave at an early 7am. My immediate family is also taking a trip and is leaving a bit before I am and leaving me to fend for our animals in the morning. I am overly excited and a bit anxious and I cannot find a way to relax my empty body and busy mind. I could eat something to slow myself down but I'd rather not indulge unless I'm hungry...I wish Dan was awake. He seems to always have the right thing to say hidden in his pocket just to pull it out and make my heart ease into a more serene state. It's funny how people can have that effect over you. Even when you think you're so strong. We all really do need eachother sometimes. Thoughhhh...i'll let him sleep tonight and not have to suffer with me because of an overactive mind, instead ofwhat i'd like it to be- an overactive heart.

I actually went through an old notebook yesterday morning. I lay on my floor with scattered papers from notebooks and scraps of paper i tore from journals and as I read I found that not only had my list of goals from last year been completely fulfilled, but they had all happened in the unorganized way that I had written them down. My suggestion: write your goals out EXACTLY how you wish that they may happen. Though they may not happen the way you wish, they will somehow manifest themselves if you stay on top of your true potential. Another funny thing, I feel that my moral and value goals are exactly the same, those, I feel will never change.

my love for Daniel.

It is the uttermost greatest must to love. You must start with yourself and love thyself fully then transcend it outerly, a gift to the universe, being absolutely gracious in the process, or we may never evolve to our greatest potential. I used to hermit myself away and 'pretend' to be holier than thou but i can see now that playfullness is such a huge must and without it, we really will dry up in the relationship department. Friends are an absolute must...even for a monk. And how much of life is worth living when you can't openly and easily share and express it?